One Year.....

Today is the one year anniversary of my mother's death. I cannot believe that it has been a year already.
The pain is still there. That feeling will probably never go away. You know, the empty feeling like something is supposed to be there and you are searching and searching to find something to fill the void. When my mom died, she took a piece of my heart with her.

I still cry almost every single day. Some days I can hide it, and other days I stay in bed until one of the kids make me get up. It's tough some days. Very tough.

I think the hardest part along this journey is knowing that I can't talk to her. The first time something great happened after she passed, and the first bit of gossip I heard, (my mom and I LOVED to gossip, LOL) I caught myself grabbing the phone to dial 'Mom and Dad'. Then it hit me......like a punch in the gut. I can't call her. I began to panic a little. I have to tell her this so bad! Who am I going to talk to now? Her laugh, her encouraging words and advice. Who do I go to now for help? Yeah, that day was like watching her die all over again. It was a really hard day.

I have taught myself how to handle the hard days. I just smile and try to think about what she would say to me. I know that she is looking over all of us. My mom is my Guardian Angel now. :)

The past year has been an emotional roller coaster that's for sure. My family and friends have been such a great support system. I don't how I would've made it through 'the firsts' without them. You know who you are, and Thank You!

I love you Mom.